JAMES MORSE

coming down from the mountain of the weekend…

I was on retreat at the Monastery for the past few days, and it was such a consolation to spend the time there in reflection and in community with other men seeking to grow psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was healing, but also reopened some wounds that I’ve had a hard time facing.

I also had a tremendous consolation upon my return being with my family. I really felt the love we have for one another.

I feel as a sort of “ambivert” that my desires for both solitude and meaningful social connection are very intense. It’s not always easy to reconcile them with one another to find a balance. Life at home is chaotic, loud, and full of outward energy. This is exciting at times but wears me out at others. I need the time away to fully appreciate what I have in my family at home. I think this is why I love going on trail runs so much. I can experience the adventure of exploring nature for a short time which always leads me back to a love of community.

How do I find a way to incorporate my practice as an artist into this? It has been difficult for sure. I am trying to see the raising and shaping of children, human souls, as a path of creative expression and practice. Sometimes it doesn’t feel so creative and I’m attending so much to the needs of someone else that I don’t know where my own soul stands, what it needs to express.

My inner world is very intense, with an almost uncompromising spirit of desire for the infinite, the transcendent, the Divine. Much of my daily life is concerned with immanence, so what are these very mundane experiences teaching me with regard to my passion for the ineffable, the things I consider to be Art, at least in a formal sense?

The most beautiful Art is to love people, to be sure, but in creating, I always hope to do so, albeit in a way that is not as immediate or direct. I think Art is affective, in a long-view sense, which is why I’m drawn to it. It’s hard to make a convincing case to some people that it has value here and now though. Somehow, I know I have to keep making things. I thought a lot about legacy this weekend. I think about that a lot, actually. What am I leaving for future generations? for my kids?