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01/22/24
I’m writing this post from a really depressed place, but the thing is, I can’t really identify anything in particular that may have led me here. It must be a chemical experience because there’s this vague sense that everything and everyone is somehow against me, but there’s not any particular reason for it. I’ve known…
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01/09/24
I feel a deep desire, a need to return to the soil in which I first found myself creatively, over a decade ago, writing and making in solitude, in the space of quiet contemplation and enjoyment of sheer beauty.. the space of working out challenges in sonic form, syllabic diction, a practice in gestalt… I…
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12/5/23
Today is a beautiful day – cool, crisp morning with the sun shining on my way to work. I was able to listen to a wonderful reflection on Advent and the person of Christ by C.S. Lewis, narrated by Liam Neeson and Jonathan Roumie. It reminded me of the critical decision Christ calls me to…
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12/4/23
it seems as though i spend much of my time running from obscurity, fearful, dreading existential anonymity. i want so much to be known and loved but crave those authentic experiences without selling myself out or oversharing to the point of spilling my heart out to an infinite void. making art is such an essential…
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12/1/23
first day of december… rainy morning, trying to stay focused at work but getting sort of distracted (like right now writing this), but i’m trying to collect myself the best i can. intrusive thoughts are a beast sometimes. it seems the more i try to drive them away, the stronger they get. i guess the…
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11/29/23
I’ve had an idea lately about another album concept. Here’s the tentative sketch/outline: little kudzu kingdom side a: 1.) joy 2.) kenosis 3.) ecstasy 4.) shame 5.) melancholia side b: 6.) phoenix 7.) restless 8.) contemplatio 9.) tears 10.) metanoia
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11/27/23
Thanksgiving was very restful and we spent a lot of quality time with the family. It was fun to relax and watch the kids run around. They really are growing up fast. I’m slowly learning how to balance the different family dynamics whenever we get together with extended family. I often feel like I am…
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11/21/23
It’s a rainy morning a few days before Thanksgiving. I don’t have a lot to do at work at the moment, and whenever that’s the case, my mind often wanders into the “what could be’s”… I think work over all has broken my spirit so much. I feel productive often, but I often feel like…
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11/20/23
this weekend was pretty good. i got out for a long run early saturday morning which was great. i definitely had an adrenaline rush running in the dark with a headlamp through the woods almost running into some joro webs on my way. getting out for a run early is so refreshing, and i feel…
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Journal 11/17/23
i’m feeling a bit anxious, but not too much. ever since i stopped really drinking alcohol for exodus, i’ve noticed a dramatic increase in energy and awareness throughout the day. i can even get up earlier than usual, which i’ve been trying to do for years. i think there’s a lot of truth in the…